


To Steal the Moon

by orphan_account



Category: Despicable Me (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Taken Seriously, M/M, im sorry (no im not), no editing we die like men, taking a break from my minecraft youtuber fanfic to write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 08:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20739365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Auttumn you owe me five bucks for creating this horrendous masterpiece.





	To Steal the Moon

To steal the moon is a task to be envied. Not due to the fame and fortune it inevitably would bring, but due to the extreme difficulty. Anyone brave (or stupid) enough to try ended up dead. 

But Felonius Gru had thought the same thing about the Great Pyramid of Giza. And look where that went. Straight into the hands of an unknown villain. 

Actually, Gru knows the man who heisted an entire pyramid. None other than Victor “Vector” Perkins. 

Vector was an enigma. No one knew just how he had done it or what he had used. And Gru was obsessed with finding out how.    
  
That, and stealing the moon. He had a plan for that too. 

But Vector. How was this man such a mystery? He only lived a few miles from Gru, yet here he was. Everything was mysterious about this man. And bright orange. Dear god, how did Vector not go blind when he put on his suit in the morning?

Come to think of it, had Gru ever seen Vector without his suit? Did he sleep in it? 

Well, whatever the answer was, it did nothing to escape the fact that Gru needed something from Vector. His shrink ray. 

Gru blushed at the thought before quickly squashing it. That was  _ not _ a euphemism, thank you very much! The bachelor-supervillain life had taken its toll. There was no going back to his childish innocence.    
  
Eh, blame Dr. Nefario. 

~~~

In the secret lair under his home, Gru sits at a table with Dr. Nefario. 

“I’ve tried almost everything to get into his home, doc. Everything short of walking up to his front door and politely asking for the stupid thing!” Gru emphasises his point by slamming his head into the table. 

“Might I suggest you’re a bit obsessed with this shrink ray thing?”   


“I have to steal the moon, Nefario! I have to one up him!”

“Listen to me. Do you want to steal the moon, or do you want to one up Vector?”

Gru sighs. “Both! Why can’t it be both?”

“Tell me more about your plan to steal the moon, then. I know you even got the Bank of Evil to fund you, so tell me why it’s so important.”

Grian stands up and begins to pace. “I want to steal the moon to be the greatest supervillain. To prove I can do something right. To wipe that smug grin off his face, put a look of fear in those big brown eyes.”

Nefario inwardly groans. “Let me rephrase my previous question. Do you want to  _ be better than  _ Vector, or do you want to be  _ with _ him?”

Gru stands in silence as Nefario putters away. 

Does he want to be with Vector? What kind of a question is that? Vector’s eighteen for god’s sake, he’s fifty. Besides, is Vector even gay? Why is that a question Gru wants to know the answer to?

Gru shoves all that to the back of his mind. He doesn’t need to think about Vector right now. Just how to get into Vector’s base. 

~~~

Gru stands outside Vector’s base, his stomach tying itself in knots. Why is this such a big deal to him? He’s pulled off much bigger heists before. He’s even got a plan. 

He turns away. He can’t do it.What would he do if he was caught again? Does he even want to steal the moon? Maybe he should adopt a kid or two and retire from villainy. Marry a chick and settle down.

But what kind of villain would that make him? A terrible one. A weak one. Go big or go home.

Gru turns back to Vector’s fort. There’s no way he’s turning back now, not even if his heart is pounding and his hands are sweating worse than they ever have before.

Gru scales the wall of the complex and gets inside the main building with only a little bit of resistance. Stunned at the easy entry, he takes a moment to catch his breath. 

A tap on his shoulder makes him jump. 

“Funny seeing you here.” a voice very Vector-like says. 

Gru turns slowly. There, hands on his hips in a very smug pose, is Vector. 

Gru’s mind goes blank. 

“Vector?”

“That’s my name, yes. I have a deal for you.”

“A deal?” Gru feels his stomach drop. 

“A deal. You have something I want, I have something you want.”   
  
“And what exactly do I have.”

“Yourself.” Vector says. 

Gru is confused, but only for a few seconds before Vector’s lips meet his. 

Vector pulls away after a few seconds, blushing. Gru’s breathless. 

“I hope that wasn’t too forwards of me…” Vector says. 

Gru pulls the smaller villain towards him, pressing another kiss to his lips. 

“Maybe I’ll steal the moon, but you’ve stolen my heart.” 


End file.
